Boobs For Barack: And The Winner Is… Democracy!

If there is one thing for certain that is going to bring Obama closer to the big job in the White House, it is big boobs.

While Obama himself plays the ’safe’ hope and inspiration card of “A Change We Can Believe In“, the people at www.boobsforbarack.com (NSFW) have the real winning formula in getting the Democratic hopeful across the polls.

Make Dolls Not Barbies

This is an invitation to be a part of Totem, the latest exhibition presented by Omnific Assembly.

Totem is a group exhibition exploring self identity through the resurging craft movement. Artists are invited to create a self portrait doll, not of how they look on the outside, but showing how they feel about themselves or how they secretly see themselves on the inside. These dolls will then be hung in the Fracture Galleries at Federation Square in Melbourne from 22nd of September to the 13th November as part of the Melbourne International Fringe Festival.

These dolls can be created from scratch (sewn, knitted, crocheted, carved, glued etc), conversions from pre-existing dolls, sculptural assemblages from any materials, found objects or anything else you can imagine. They can be a human, an animal, a mythical creature or anything else. They can be as fantastical or ordinary as each artist feels themselves to be. Artists can submit as many dolls as they wish. The venue can cater for dolls from 30cm to several metres.

The Totem exhibition recognises we live in a growing culture of alienation which results in an increasing suspicion of strangers and shame of the self. The central premise of Totem is that no matter how different from each other we might seem on the outside, we all feel the same on the inside and it expresses this through individually created dolls which expose each artists deepest sense of identity, demonstrating that the realm of human experience is the same no matter who we are.

To find out more, please visit www.omnificassembly.com.

To be a part of this exhibition please contact curator Sayraphim Lothian on them@omnificassembly.com

Reducing Women In The Media To Sex Objects, Zoo Weekly Does It Best!

From the idiots what brung you the “Hottest Feminist” (prize: a lifetime supply of deodorant, GEDDIT) and the competition to win your girlfriend a breast augmentation comes the latest in a long line of pitiful stunts: Zoo Weekly’s Search For Australia’s Hottest Radio Babe!

For the past few weeks, you have been letting us know which radio honey raises your aerial by nominating them in our Search for Australia’s Hottest Radio Babe competition. After counting endless nominations we’ve finally arrived at the top 30. Vote for your favourite below and remember you can vote as many times as you like too!

Great, huh?! In typical Zoo style, the “finalists” are just pretty pictures, with nary an interview, “describe yourself in five words” or hyperlink to define them.

Incidentally, it’s good to see 92.9 Perth and Nova Brisbane have already had their female presenters get their kits off, presumably in anticipation of this exceptional honour.

Meet Justin Gimelstob, Tennis’ Latest Sexist Pig

Let us introduce you to Justin Gimelstob, a former pro tennis player from the US who recently retired and has been appointed Players’ Representative to the ATP board. Here are some of the delightful things he had to say about an upcoming mixed-doubles tournament he is competing in, amongst other things:

According to The Times of London, Gimelstob said of Kournikova: “Hate is a very strong word – I just despise her to the maximum level just below hate.”

“I’m going to serve it right at the body, about 128 (mph), right into her midriff.

“If she’s not crying by the time she comes off court then I did not do my job.”

Nice, huh?

The Times also reported Gimelstob as having described Kournikova as having “a great body but her face is a five”, and of the women’s tour, “There are fewer lesbians now because they’re all Russian chicks. And there’s some other cute ones out there.”

Fortunately, the awesome Serena Williams was around to set straight:

“Being pro-women’s rights, I just think we’ve come farther than to be referred to like this,” she said. Williams.

And that’s an understatement. Hopefully after offering that soundbite, she then left and FedExed a roundhouse kick to Gimelstob’s nuts.

(Thanks to reader Jessica for the heads up!)

Wedding Dress “Try-On” Fees: Intellectual Property Protection, Or Just Another Way To Make Brides Pay?

An interesting trend is emerging (via a trickle-down effect from overseas) in the booming Australian bridal industry: wedding dress retailers and designers are starting to charge brides-to-be for the privilege of trying on a few gowns.

Their word is that this is as much about the designers’ intellectual property as it is anything else – and, in some respects, that’s a compelling argument. In the haute couture end of bridal fashion, less reputable designers will send lackeys posing as blushing brides to their competitors salons, where they’ll try on a few while taking happy snaps on camera phones “so I can show the bridesmaids”; the photos are then shipped back to the head seamstress and an exclusive, one-off dress suddenly appears in multiples on the racks at a competing ready-to-wear store.

Designer Alex Perry already charges $350 for a two-visit consultation with women interested in buying one of his haute couture wedding creations, which are priced from $8000.

He said the charge, which was deducted from a purchase, was a good way to determine if they were serious about buying.

“It deters people who just want to come and pick my brain,” he said.

“I’m at that stage in my career when it’s fine if you do that, but you’re going to have to pay me for it.”

That’s fair enough – an enormous amount of time, effort and workmanship goes into Perry’s gowns, and the same goes for his peers in the higher-end of bridal couture (you know, the dresses that have the ominous “Price On Application” in their style notes in bridal magazines). Most artisans working on a big job – portrait artists, architects, and so on – secure a deposit to make the ‘contract’ binding.

But what concerns me about this trend is that in every other instance – i.e. where actual custom-made gowns aren’t involved (because that’s the thing about couture/made-to-order dresses – you can’t go try it on for fun, because it doesn’t exist yet!) – this seems to be an opportunity for mass market bridal salons to hit average brides-to-be where it hurts: in the bank account.

Women Wanted For All-Female Shakespeare Production, Melbourne

Community service announcement on behalf of Hartwell Players:

Audition Notice – Hartwell Players
Julius Caesar
Directed by Sharon Maine.
An all female cast

Auditions will be private and must be booked. Times are available in 15 minute blocks from 3pm Sunday 6th July and 6pm Monday 7th July.

Bookings can be made either via bookings@hartwellplayers.org.au or on our booking line phone number 9889 5006.

The location of auditions will be the Blue Room, Ashwood College, Vannam Dr, Ashwood. Melway ref: 60 J10.

Auditionees should:
. prepare one Shakespearean monologue, no longer than 2 minutes in length.
. be familiar with the play as they will be asked to read from it.
. bring a head shot.

Performances of Julius Caesar will be in October/November 2008.

We are also interested in hearing from any females interested in crewing for the show.

For detailed character profiles please go to the Hartwell website www.hartwellplayers.org.au.

This is sure to be a FANTASTIC season, so make sure you audition!

When A Successful Female Actress Dates A Recording Artist, What Does She Become?

Your daily sexism groan from Britain’s delightfully reconstructed Daily Mail, who have outdone themselves (something the seemingly do quite regularly) in the sexism stakes with this corker of a headline:

Groupie Jennifer has the look of love as boyfriend John Mayer rocks London’s Hyde Park

Yes, that’s right – “groupie”. Despite being a successful Hollywood actress who was this year ranked #17 on Forbes’ Celebrity 100, with earnings of US$27 million, and having been dating Mayer for three months now, it seems – according to the Mail, amongst other media outlets – all women who date musicians must just be starry-eyed band-aids.

Media Still Shocked To Learn That Short-Statured Woman Is Having, Has Had Sex

You know, there are times when you assume that there is a fair proportion of the world that is pretty screwed up, and then there are times when you know it – this has been one of those weeks. First there was the “ew gross” reaction to Verne Troyer’s sex tape (the “ew” coming presumably not because another celebrity made a sex tape, but because Troyer – who has achondroplasia – had the audacity to live his life as a normal, red-blooded heterosexual male rather than the sexless, infantilised and tee-hee-funny “Mini Me”), and now the Australian media – specifically, Fairfax Digital’s Brisbane Times (via the Sun-Herald) – has outdone itself again while dealing with Big Brother08′ contestant, Rima Hadchiti.

This article (timed to coincide with Rima’s re-entry into the House) makes its tone clear from the get-go with the gee-whiz title, “BB’s tiny dancer a ’sexual being’” and gets worse from there, including describing the belly-dancer as “pint sized” (eee, don’t you just want to squeeze her tiny little cheeks?), and then standing back in hushed horror/awe as Rima, again, is asked to explain her motivation for “those” nude shots on IShotMyself.com:

“I took them as a political statement that was meant to show that while I am short and different, I am still sexual,” she said.

“I knew they were going to come out eventually … I don’t mind because I am actually quite proud.”

Honestly, between this and Kyle Sandilands’ treatment of Rima on the BB08 launch night (talking to her partner as though he was some sort of sick weirdo, asking them to kiss goodbye and making an “ooh, weird!” face to camera, etc) and everything in between, it’s almost too much to bear.

Here’s a tip, media of Australia: lots of PEOPLE are having sex, possibly even right now! Men are having sex with men! Women are having sex with women! Short-statured people are having sex! Blind people! Deaf people! Old people! People who use wheelchairs! People from other countries!

And here I was, thinking only white, straight couples were allowed to “do it”. They sure showed me!

Memo To The Age Online: Why Is This Still Front Page News? And Why Was It In The First Place?

The other day – earlyish on Friday, to be exact – we told you about Ryanair’s CEO and his hilarious “joke” about passengers in business class getting free blowjobs on his fleet.

Well, apparently it’s been a slow news weekend, because it’s now Sunday night and it’s still featured on the front page on TheAge.com.au!

Top work, team. Because, you know, no one goes on the internet or reads the papers online over the weekend, do they?

Corinne Grant On Polyandry

Polygamy is one of those topics of conversation that everyone likes to have an opinion about, but that – thanks in no small part, I’m sure, to the popularity of Big Love – a lot of people (mostly men) secretly like the idea of. One of those people is Sheik Khalil Chami of the Islamic Welfare Centre, who thinks that polygamy and polygamous relationships should be made a-okay in Australia.

Fortunately we have Corinne Grant on hand at The Age to set everyone straight about why polygamous relationships aren’t so crash hot. Only rather than going on a page-long tirade at the end of which Bill Paxton’s sunny backyard kinda looks rather nice, she harnesses the power of funny and makes you laugh until you cry “NO WAY IN HELL!”, and broadsides a relationship/gender stereotype or fifty in the process:

Firstly, chicks have become more and more demanding since feminism came along and the poor guys are having a hard time meeting all of our demands. Maybe it’s time we gave them a break and learnt to spread our uppity ways over a broader base. So, I’d like 15 husbands, please. I’ll have one who remembers my name. I’ll have another one who remembers my birthday. I’ll have one who reads the care instructions on my smalls before throwing them in the washing machine and I’ll have one that calls when he says he will. The other 11 can just sit around with their shirts off looking pretty.

[...]

The Attorney-General, Robert McClelland, has said that polygamy will remain outside the law in Australia. I am disappointed and I respectfully ask him to reconsider. He could at least look at implementing something like an exchange policy on husbands, much like they have in car dealerships. I would be far more willing to get married if I knew that I could trade up every two years. If my bloke stopped treating me well or had an affair, it wouldn’t matter. In another few months I would have a brand new one and we could spend the next couple of years blissfully tearing apart each other’s self-esteem and trust. Now that’s true romance.

Anyone feel like grabbing a few extra wives to go now? Or even getting married in the first place?? Christopher Hitchens take note.