Corinne Grant On Polyandry
Posted by Clem Bastow on June 29, 2008
Polygamy is one of those topics of conversation that everyone likes to have an opinion about, but that – thanks in no small part, I’m sure, to the popularity of Big Love – a lot of people (mostly men) secretly like the idea of. One of those people is Sheik Khalil Chami of the Islamic Welfare Centre, who thinks that polygamy and polygamous relationships should be made a-okay in Australia.
Fortunately we have Corinne Grant on hand at The Age to set everyone straight about why polygamous relationships aren’t so crash hot. Only rather than going on a page-long tirade at the end of which Bill Paxton’s sunny backyard kinda looks rather nice, she harnesses the power of funny and makes you laugh until you cry “NO WAY IN HELL!”, and broadsides a relationship/gender stereotype or fifty in the process:
Firstly, chicks have become more and more demanding since feminism came along and the poor guys are having a hard time meeting all of our demands. Maybe it’s time we gave them a break and learnt to spread our uppity ways over a broader base. So, I’d like 15 husbands, please. I’ll have one who remembers my name. I’ll have another one who remembers my birthday. I’ll have one who reads the care instructions on my smalls before throwing them in the washing machine and I’ll have one that calls when he says he will. The other 11 can just sit around with their shirts off looking pretty.
The Attorney-General, Robert McClelland, has said that polygamy will remain outside the law in Australia. I am disappointed and I respectfully ask him to reconsider. He could at least look at implementing something like an exchange policy on husbands, much like they have in car dealerships. I would be far more willing to get married if I knew that I could trade up every two years. If my bloke stopped treating me well or had an affair, it wouldn’t matter. In another few months I would have a brand new one and we could spend the next couple of years blissfully tearing apart each other’s self-esteem and trust. Now that’s true romance.
Anyone feel like grabbing a few extra wives to go now? Or even getting married in the first place?? Christopher Hitchens take note.